An Updated Annotated Chronology of Fake Tim Pawlenty

There’s been a lot of downloading action in the Breakfast With The Beak archives this summer, and whilst this no doubt means countless hours of petty amusement for the new listener, a fair bit of confusion is inevitable. Of all the curious artifacts to be found within our back catalog, perhaps the most peculiar is the occasional visit from Tim Pawlenty, former governor of Minnesota and former Republican primary candidate!

Well, obviously, it’s not the real Tim Pawlenty. Anybody who’s familiar with Scott Aukerman’s podcast Comedy Bang Bang will be familiar with the gag: Scott interviews one comedian, while another comedian interrupts in the guise of a ludicrous character and disrupts the entire show. It’s a very podcasty sort of joke. On Breakfast With The Beak, of course, it’s me doing the voice of Fake Tim Pawlenty, and my mission is to derail Johnny as much as possible.

The Fake Tim Pawlenty character has a surprisingly rich history on our show; with appearances extending the length of the excruciatingly vast election 2012 campaign season. In case you’re not up to speed, here’s a brief summary of our many infamous Fake Tim Pawlenty moments:

Episode 14:
Way back in June 2011, the Republican party had nine candidates vying for the primary nomination, many of whom were utterly ludicrous caricatures of actual human beings. On the show I declared that I would select one of those candidates to be my personal comedic punching bag until such time as they dropped out of the race. I picked Tim Pawlenty because he was so damned white bread boring and forgettable, and crafted a new high-pitched, screechy voice inspired by the work of Brad Neely.

Episode 18:
In July we hypothesized that Pawlenty’s forgettability might actually be part of his nefarious plan to rise to power without anyone noticing; similar to psychological manipulations utilized by The Silence in the (then) most recent season of Doctor Who. Fake Pawlenty appears briefly to say innocuous things in a spooky tone.

Episode 22:
In August, the real Tim Pawlenty dropped out of the G.O.P. primary race. In response, I announced that it was my last chance to use up all my left-over T-Paw jokes before they became utterly irrelevant. Fake T-Paw drops by to advertise his latest business venture, “Tim Pawlenty’s Bed and Breakfast.”

Episode 23:
Fake T-Paw starts off the show with some new ideas on how to re-brand some of America’s favorite breakfast cereals.

Episode 35:
On a whim in November 2011, we assembled a bizarre “Thanksgiving Special” in which multiple characters appeared throughout the show to derail the conversation. Fake Pawlenty was joined by Doktor Socksenberg, a sock puppet designed by Johnny Goodtimes as a replacement for myself, and Globey from 1980s TV show Pee-Wee’s Playhouse. During the episode, it is revealed that Doktor Socksenberg has an awkward history with the clingy Fake Pawlenty, who declares that they’re “secret best friends.”

Episode 46:
In February 2012, Fake Tim Pawlenty bought ad space on the podcast to promote Camp Pawlentawah, a Mitt Romney fundraising funnel disguised as a children’s summer camp run by a shadowy Super PAC.

Episode 65:
In June 2012, Fake Tim Pawlenty returned to the show in the role of a chat show pundit, to discuss the favoritism and entitlement that often comes into play when political parties select their presidential candidates. He denounces his former primary rivals as “unreliable.” Johnny Goodtimes describes his experiences with Fake Tim Pawlenty as, “it’s like being in the room with one of those mutants who sucks out your power.”

Episode 75:
In August 2012, Fake Pawlenty attempted to disguise himself as Vice Presidential nominee Paul Ryan. Johnny saw through the ruse immediately, but in a rare showing of supportiveness, encouraged T-Paw to try again. Confidence restored, T-Paw declared his intention to infiltrate the Republican National Convention and take Paul Ryan’s place.

White Board Wednesday #33:
Fans who follow us on Tumblr and Facebook will know that we keep a dry-erase white board in the Breakfast Kitchen Studio for show notes and other homeless jokes, and periodically share these notes as exclusive bonus content. On November 8th 2012, following President Obama’s defeat of the vile Mitt Romney, we found our usual wacky lists and crude drawings of the devil with his dick out erased and replaced with the following message:

tpaw

Fake Tim Pawlenty hasn’t been heard on the show since. Will he ever return to delight or antagonize our audience? Will he ever again run for political office? I don’t know. If you’re really curious, ask a person from the future.

If you’re interested in reliving any of these classic Fake T-Paw moments, every episode of Breakfast With The Beak can be downloaded free by subscribing to us on iTunes, or via our RSS feed.

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